your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
