This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
