fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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