just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
