last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I need to wash the frat house off of me
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
