what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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