Please, let me fuck your mom
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
