If i come over, it means nothing
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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