I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
