i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
