Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
