I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
