This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
