So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
