No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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