So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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