And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
