He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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