When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
