just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
