i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
