even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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