Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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