What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
last night I used snow as a chaser
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize