toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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