Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
