so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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