I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
