can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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