My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
