i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
