Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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