I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
ugly people sure do ruin things
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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