we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
