shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
