I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Never underestimate the power of titties
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
