I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize