I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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