you guys were way drunker than both of me
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
