That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
