hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
