Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
