i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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