is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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