i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Enjoy the penises
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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