census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
