so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
false alarm. still invincible.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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