Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
