it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
