is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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