So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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