whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
