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I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Boobs speak an international language.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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