Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
