This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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