Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
