i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
