Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
