we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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