I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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