Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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