Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
