why didn't you poke me back
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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