I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
