I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I am available for nakedness
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
