I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
