My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize