dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
