i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
