I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
