we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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