If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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